hyperactive

I've been silent lately because our router/modem system died and we have not get new one yet. I'm using wifi through my phone and that is so slooooooooow it makes me crazy.

I have not been up much lately. Mostly skijoring and jogging and trying to figure out my future. There is application for colleges starting in next month and I think I have some idea what I'm going to do.

Week ago or so, me and my fiancé had really deep conversation about me and my social problems. He said he thinks that I am highly sensitive person. He has been seen some program from TV about it and thought that I might be that kind of person.

Before that I actually have been thinking that I might have asperger's syndrome because I am interested so odd things and I am really odd person after all. But there was also a lot of things in asperger's that didn't really describe me. For example, I have quite good social skills but asperger's usually don't have.

There is defects in me that my social anxiety/phobia usually can explain and lot of things that I don't know why they happen in me. Like, if I get too excited I usually start crying because I can't handle the overwhelmingness of the feeling I feel. It has been scary and has made my social life hard because I'm really ashamed when I start crying and I can't do anything for it to stop.

I don't know why I felt so reliefing when I today studied a little about highly sensitiveness. I actually got really happy and I also was a little hyperactive by coffee. But like, I have always said that even the slightest bit of alcohol has got my head buzzing but my hunny haven't never believed it and a half cup of coffee makes me hyperactive (neither he believed that) and got my heart bouncing - it all comes together now. I am HSP.

I actually feel really strong now. I know what's going on in me and I can find a strategy to manage in everyday life. I have not made anything in my mind - my experiences are true, my feelings are true, I am true.

Darng. That feels soooooo goood.